something
There's a number of incoherent thoughts floating through my head. Some aren't as irrational as they seem. I hope. Dad's reminded me, once again, I don't have enough time. But this time, there's just something in me telling me that, I can't let this go anymore. What he says does make sense, I probably will end up getting 35 max at the end of IB if I don't push up my efforts at lease threefold. Which... is not what I want. Or is it. Something really is confusing me here. I say that I want to get 40 and above, but do I really? I'm feeling more like, if I get it that'd be a bonus, if I don't, well, I expected it already. Which isn't really what can motivate me.
Reading stuff about how the simplest things in life are actually what we have and already have acquired would mean that I don't need to work harder anymore. But, that's really not what's meant for me. Why? I don't really know for sure, why it is I can't just ditch everything once I'm done schooling and just be what I want to be, not aspiring too greatly. But I think it's got something to do with what Jolenta told me. "You need to be able to do what you must to before you can do what you want." Too true. I think I really have to prove something, at least something, before anything else can happen.
Back to my grades. I'm staying awake now to blog, which I haven't really done in a while. I need to think this through clearly. At my current state, I am not going to get very much more than 35 for IB. This I acknowledge. My "aim" is a raw score of 40/42. 40 is not a score achievable by cramming in homework to the last minute to be done, and neither is it possible without daily revision and self study. This I acknowledge as well. Connecting the two, it means that I would have start revising and studying my work daily. And taking into consideration the amount of work that I should be doing, that would leave very little time left for my own leisure. Very little. Assuming that I do want to follow this path, that is. Now the question is, can I acknowledge that I have to stop enjoying my life as it is already, and learn to start enjoying studying instead. I know it, but I haven't realised it. Action comes after realisation, so I really do need to think this through. Very clearly. Then I need to decide on what it is that I need to force me to start working.
It's such a good thing that I recently have restarted my relationship with God. Well, good that it is actually back, not so much that it was gone. I think I'll need a lot more help to get the effort I want. I currently can't do that much on my own. I need God's help. Which, I pray he will help me with it. I pray that God will grant me the grace, His grace, to be able to satisfy myself with his glory, and not to be caught up with myself and my own distractions. I pray that God will help me to overcome my own weaknesses, and guide me to the path I must take.
I realised that there isn't very much life left for me to live as a kid. I'm turning 18. This is the end of childhood. I have to say goodbye to it. Nobody was going to tell me when it was that I had to say goodbye to being a kid. This is where I now say to myself. John, you're no longer a child. Grow up. Life starts here. Live it the way it should be, and not get distracted by anything unnecessary. The time starts now.
Reading stuff about how the simplest things in life are actually what we have and already have acquired would mean that I don't need to work harder anymore. But, that's really not what's meant for me. Why? I don't really know for sure, why it is I can't just ditch everything once I'm done schooling and just be what I want to be, not aspiring too greatly. But I think it's got something to do with what Jolenta told me. "You need to be able to do what you must to before you can do what you want." Too true. I think I really have to prove something, at least something, before anything else can happen.
Back to my grades. I'm staying awake now to blog, which I haven't really done in a while. I need to think this through clearly. At my current state, I am not going to get very much more than 35 for IB. This I acknowledge. My "aim" is a raw score of 40/42. 40 is not a score achievable by cramming in homework to the last minute to be done, and neither is it possible without daily revision and self study. This I acknowledge as well. Connecting the two, it means that I would have start revising and studying my work daily. And taking into consideration the amount of work that I should be doing, that would leave very little time left for my own leisure. Very little. Assuming that I do want to follow this path, that is. Now the question is, can I acknowledge that I have to stop enjoying my life as it is already, and learn to start enjoying studying instead. I know it, but I haven't realised it. Action comes after realisation, so I really do need to think this through. Very clearly. Then I need to decide on what it is that I need to force me to start working.
It's such a good thing that I recently have restarted my relationship with God. Well, good that it is actually back, not so much that it was gone. I think I'll need a lot more help to get the effort I want. I currently can't do that much on my own. I need God's help. Which, I pray he will help me with it. I pray that God will grant me the grace, His grace, to be able to satisfy myself with his glory, and not to be caught up with myself and my own distractions. I pray that God will help me to overcome my own weaknesses, and guide me to the path I must take.
I realised that there isn't very much life left for me to live as a kid. I'm turning 18. This is the end of childhood. I have to say goodbye to it. Nobody was going to tell me when it was that I had to say goodbye to being a kid. This is where I now say to myself. John, you're no longer a child. Grow up. Life starts here. Live it the way it should be, and not get distracted by anything unnecessary. The time starts now.
posted by John Lee at
12:23 AM
1 Comments
