bored.

well officially im bored. but technically i cant be bored if i have something to do right, and as such i am blogging right now. anyway, whatever the case, im not in the best of spirits right now. getting that emo feeling again. lets see the possibilities of its cause: its chrismas eve. im alone at home, im not getting the nice christmas eve dinner that i should be getting if im with my family, and instead im having home-cooked chicken rice, which isnt exactly fantastic. and im feeling cooped up being stuck at home, with nothing real to do, except to blow up people on dota. and blogging. and best of all, ITS RAINING. maybe thats the essential factor. gosh i hate rain. always always, if im alone/sad, rain never fails to help me feel worse. sigh..

well then again i cant blame anyone for spending christmas eve alone. i chose it myself, hoping that i can cherish the last few days of singapore. but now in retrospect, im missing something. and so is my family. why does it take me so long just to realise that what i really want is to be loved, which comes mostly from my own family. well i guess im a teenager, wishing to be accepted by people.

but then again, if i were to actually have flown up to hong kong to meet them immediately after i was done with kuching, that would mean that i would have to say all my goodbyes within the time from which i come back to singapore to the time i leave, which is less than 24 hours. so then again, was it really a bad choice? furthermore, i do have a dental appointment to attend.

i guess what i really want right now is love. im sorely lacking it, went looking for love in all the wrong places this year. and ignoring those who truly love me. stupid me. well, to all those who actually are reading this, merry christmas eve.

i admire intelligience. wish i could fully utilise mine.