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perhaps its true

Soothing my soul with songs. I guess things are changing. Again I sometimes wonder what is happening to my life, am I going in the right direction, and then I sometimes stop wondering.

Anonymous: hope you don't mind if I tell everyone that you're using the same IP address as GOD. If you really are the same person, which I am assuming to be true, then I must say you have changed quite a lot, and for the better. Thanks for pointing out that I do indeed have a mental disorder, I honestly agree.

`back to wishing the night away

I am overwhelmed

Is equality good? If we really do what we are always told to do, and if we all are treated the same, is that all really as great as it might seem? If we all were to abide by the law always, would that mean we would have a fixed set of thoughts? Should we actually be allowed an alternative education? Is education really the reason for the way humans think? Is the occasional shining star among the mediocre really the star because of a greater talent, or more hard work? Are these thoughts normal? Am I normal? Do I want to be normal? What do I want to be? Should I just tell my parents I want to be a normal person, with a normal lifestyle, and nothing extravagant or luxurious? Should I stop all these thoughts?

*edit: Another thought, can a square be shaped into a circle, or vice versa?

Where is tomorrow

Have you ever woken up from a dream, and you think that you're awake, and then you wake up even later, and wonder: Was that a dream? I was in a dream. Then I woke up, or thought I woke up, I even looked at my alarm clock which said 7:28am, and I wake up feeling as though I had just woken up. I'm not sure how to express this...

So I told my dad about it, and then he starts telling me how even if I was awake it wouldn't really make a difference. I'm still dreaming even when I'm awake. I'm simply coasting through life, no purpose or direction, no motivation to do anything. I agree with him. I truly lack the motivation to do anything. (Sidenote, Motivate comes from two words, motive and vate, meaning moving from inside. Which basically means that only you can motivate yourself since it comes from inside you, not outside of you)

It's not fair to my dad if I waste my time here getting an average grade, and being the biggest underachiever. I have to change, the problem is how. I need to find something for me to aim towards. I have to start believing I can do stuff, and making sure I can do stuff. I have to start knowing when to say no to being lazy, and when to be who I should be, achieving what I really can.

Take care of your own shit

No one is willing to always listen to you whine, no one is willing to always comfort you and make you feel better when you're being stupidly emo, and no one, absolutely no one can always make you happy. Grow up John. Now's the time, childhood is a thing of the past. Feel hate, feel anger, feel insulted, whatever, but its time. Start now.

optimism

Idealistic? Having a positive outlook? Or just plain simply being foolishly naive? I have nothing to say. Guess I'll just list some songs which have been playing rerun through my head so many times I could have my own mental stereo set. I'm not sure what that means.

The Killers - Read My Mind
Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead (currently)
The Killers - All These Things That I Have Done
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
The Postal Service - Against All Odds
Good Charlotte - Keep Your Hands Off My Girl
The Postal Service - Sleeping In
Gwen Stefani - The Sweet Escape
Vega 4 - Life is Beautiful
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Fort Minor - Where'd You Go
Rivermaya - You'll be Safe Here

Tagged

It appears that I have been tagged again, bringing my total count of "tags" to three. Which is no particular number to start at, but I decided that I am currently bored and I should just let the world know how weird I am.

1. I couldn't be bothered to copy the rules of the game.
2. I am weird, because I know that I'm weird, and I don't intend to change my weirdness, because, I am weird.
3. I talk to weird people, which makes me weirder.
4. I don't have a problem with that.
5. I delay my points.

So okay, I'm supposed to tag people after i have finished with my 6 points. But, I decided that by tagging other people, other people who weren't tagged would feel insulted, and everyone would also be able to infer who I usually talk to, therefore, I SHALL NOT TAG ANYONE (:

6. I decided to make this post for people who have truly nothing better to do, because I felt like making something which seemingly reveals a lot but actually reveals absolutely nothing.

beyond sorrow

dont know where it goes
but its only me
and i walk alone

if this keeps up
i might be able to get my personal space
along with many other people
stacked up on shelves
in ashes...

i feel the friendship slipping

where'd you go?
i miss you so
seems like its been forever
that you've been gone

not exactly to that extreme or context
but fitting enough
why is this friendship falling apart!
you're hardly the person i knew
why do people only talk to me when they have problems/are emo

Today

Well, I suppose I shall carry on with trying to make my entries formal. If it fails to serve its purpose of impressing people with my not-so great English skills, it should at least help me improve my aforementioned not-so great English skills. So once again, I have woken up at a time that would never have even dreamt of waking up before, though theoratically, I can't dream of waking up. That's like, being in inside a car subconscious and thinking of getting out of the car. I'm not sure if that analogy is accurate but if ever, I personally think its slightly humorous. Regardless, today has been slightly uninteresting, and wholly boring. Rather, unproductive. Absolutely unproductive, and absolutely unfulfilling. I have not touched a single piece of homework today, and I woke up so late, I should be ashamed of myself. I have the excuse that its the holidays, but really now, what are holidays really about? Are holidays really about resting and enjoyment? Or, are holidays actually specially crafted and designed by I don't know who to give us a certain sense of false security, when in fact we are expected by the teachers and the government to constantly improve ourself, to study harder. See, thats why they invented things like summer school. To persuade that conscience in you to make yourself a better person by going for summer school! Clearly, I need sleep. Goodnight people.

It has been a while

By request of Jolenta, I am currently writing this as a formal entry, without an excessive use of exclamation marks or incomplete sentences, and even start my sentences with a capital letter. Quite the achievement I believe. So yes, back to my resurrection from my pseudo death that I have been undergoing throughout the past week that has caused me to not update my blog, or if you will my online diary, or web log. I have been faced with 3 drama performances, which I was involved in only because I chose to take drama extended as a subject, a choice which i dearly regretted in the past week, most especially when doing my Development Work, which essentially is a compilation of all my reflections and other scribblings to show that I have been developing as a drama extended student. it is precisely for this reason that I have felt so strongly against drama extended. Regardless, it is currently the easter holidays, and so for those who don't know what that means, I will have a week of school holidays next week. Be jealous all you people!

So yes, I was just thinking about humans. What a disgraceful, ugly, disgusting, stupid and absolutely revolting species of mammals on this earth. Humans are crudely put, quite the idiots of this earth that we live in. We terrorise the world, rob it of the valuable resources, and yet still claim to be the smartest, the greatest, and the best. How stupid.

Alright, now that I have got that bit out of my arteries, veins, capillaries, I shall pen down my ponders here. I was in the process of processing the thoughts of why it is that humans tend to focus on the negative, rather than the positive. Why is it that even when things are going really well, the moment one thing that is even vaguely negative is the focus of the subject, and not the full happiness that people have been living through? Oh and by the way, if you haven't already done so, try to watch the movie "Persuit of Happyness", yes its spelt that way for a reason. Go watch it on a DVD if it isnt screening in the cinemas. I am quite sure it will help you to take a second look at your life and realise how lucky you really are. How much worse things could possibly get. Shan't spoil the story for those who have not watched it here, so please go watch it, you will enjoy it.

Anyhow, its 3:30am, I have probably failed in trying to write eloquently, and therefore, off to sleep I go, slumberland awaits, and maybe when I wake up a more sober person will be lying in my bed rather than that person who has a hangover without getting drunk the previous night.